The Scars on Your Arms and Heart
by greenandred124
Summary: James keeps too much inside. Carlos finds out. Warning: SLASH. Jarlos one-shot.


**A/N: So, I haven't written anything in a REALLY long time. I needed to write something…and while my heart is hurting, I figured I'd write a semi-sad Jarlos one-shot. I hope you guys like this. (:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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"_You stupid faggot! You never do anything right!" Gustavo shouted._

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James slid down to the white-tiled floor of the bathroom silently, tears rolling down his cheeks. Clutched tightly in his hand was a simple tool, something a guy would regard as an instrument for daily routine. The blade was fresh, and the scars were old. But nothing could compare to the scars on his heart.

James Diamond always seemed so self-centered and happy-go-lucky. He hid it from absolutely everyone. All of his emotions were kept bottled up inside, which was why he found himself doing what he just did, weekly.

Gustavo pushed James to the end, always insulting him. James never felt good enough. His imperfections and flaws outweighed his assets in his mind. And that explained his arrogance. He felt that it would mask how genuinely insecure he was. Gustavo got them famous, so he had to know all. And the fact of the matter was: James really wasn't perfect and Gustavo was right.

James shook, his mind perpetuating the depressing thoughts. Thinking about Gustavo's verbal abuse reminded James of the physical abuse he had received as a child.

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_Flashback:_

_Nine year old James Diamond waltzed into his house, happy as could be. Why? He was "in love". _

_Earlier that day:_

"_Jamie, guess what I learned today?" nine year old Carlos Garcia announced excitedly in the locker room at peewee hockey practice._

"_What, Carlitos?" James asked, smiling._

"_I learned what it means to be 'in love', and I'm 'in love' with you!"_

_James blushed awkwardly. "I-I'm in love with you too," he stammered._

_Carlos smiled cutely, stood on his tiptoes, and kissed James's cheek._

_Back at the house:_

"_James, how was hockey, son?" Mr. Diamond asked._

"_Great! I'm in love!"_

_Mr. Diamond chuckled. "With whom, James?"_

"_Carlos!" James said happily._

_Mr. Diamond's face instantly changed. He didn't accept it. There was no way his son could be…_

"_You like Carlos?"_

"_Yeah Dad, is something wrong?"_

_Mr. Diamond struck James. "No! That's not how you're supposed to be!" He hit James again._

_James fell to the ground. He began to cry. "Dad, stop! Please!"_

_Mr. Diamond slammed James into the wall. He banged his head against it several times; hard. _

_With the wind knocked out of him and his head throbbing and bleeding slightly from the impact, James soon fell unconscious. _

_When he awoke, Mr. Diamond made James swear he'd tell nobody. _

_End of flashback._

* * *

James had kept that promise his entire life. He also kept his relationship with Carlos a secret from his father. When he finally left for California, he thought he could live in peace without the verbal abuse that he received after the physical abuse. The verbal abuse just got worse.

James leaned over the bathtub, let the tears fall harder, and dragged the razor across his wrist. Of course it hurt, but nothing compared to the emotional pain. Blood dripped down his wrists into the tub. James already felt the relief.

Suddenly, a knock on the door yanked James out of his thoughts. "James? You okay in there?" Carlos's voice came from behind the closed door.

James cleared his throat. "Um, yeah. I'm okay, Carlitos."

"Alright, just making sure," Carlos said softly.

James heard Carlos's fleeting footsteps. His wrist continued to bleed. Ever so carefully, he ran the razor over his other wrist, letting the blood run down.

A few minutes later, James dried his eyes, bandaged his wrists, rolled his sleeves down, and left the bathroom.

Carlos went into the bathroom seconds later, let out a scream, and came running out. He spotted James on the orange sofa, feet propped on the coffee table, reading the latest issue of Pop Tiger magazine. "James!"

James looked up from his magazine. "Yes?"

"What have you done?" Carlos had tears forming in his eyes.

James looked taken aback. "Nothing. What makes you say that?"

"The blood in the bathtub."

_Shit, I knew I forgot something_, James thought. He sat there in silence.

"Why?" Carlos pleaded. He sat on the couch next to James and reached for his arm.

James pulled his arm away defensively.

"Stop hiding from me, James. I thought we were honest with each other." Carlos looked James in the eyes.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Then let me see your arm if you have nothing to hide, James."

Sighing, James reluctantly slid his arm onto Carlos's lap. He was done. Carlos would hate him. He'd be hated by **everybody **because Carlos would tell the other guys.

Carlos slid James's sleeve up slowly. He let out a small gasp, undid the bandages, examined the scars and fresh wounds, and began to cry. His fingers traced gently over the scars. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

"I'm so…stupid, untalented, and ugly…" James looked away.

"James, you're perfect…why would you think otherwise?" Carlos begged through tears.

"Gustavo…my father…"

"Gustavo is a jerk to everyone. Don't let him tell you otherwise. He's wrong. And your father?"

James told Carlos about how his father had abused him physically and verbally when he learned that he was gay. Carlos sucked it all in, in pure shock. When James finished the story, Carlos simply hugged James tightly.

"James, you have to stop. I love you. Please. I don't want you to die. I'll help you," Carlos said, still holding onto James's figure, his head resting against the bigger boy's chest.

"Carlos, I love you too. I won't die. I promise. Why? Because I want you to help."

Carlos wiped his eyes. "Good, we'll start now. James, you're smarter than me, you've got an amazing voice and dancing skills, you're gorgeous, and so what if you're gay? I'm all yours." He kissed James's lips softly.

James smiled through the kiss, happy to call Carlos his own, for he always knew how to make him feel better.

Carlos took James's hand and said, "If I see any new scars, I'll start cutting myself."

James looked at Carlos, shook his head, and held him tightly. "No. Carlos, don't."

"Then stop."

"I will." James connected their lips once again, that time knowing that he was perfect to the only person who mattered: the boy he was in love with.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. (: I feel a bit better now that I've written that. Please review. (:**


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